I'm too old to still be dealing with this shit, but I am. I just want to be skinny. For my thighs to not touch. To have hip bones. For him to want me. For him to think I am beautiful. No one I know in "real" life knows the things about me that I post on here. Please don't judge me.
CW 177.6
1st GW 150
2nd GW 140
UGW as little as possible
I am 5'7
Oh, I'm not promoting ED's, this is just about me and my life. In fact I would HATE for someone else to go through this hell because of me or something I said. For the record...
My boyfriend noticed my weightloss! He saw me in my jeans today. Said oh my goodness and patted me on the butt. What? I said. “tu mas paqueno” you are smaller he said. I can’t imagine the happiness on my face when I looked at him! God I Love Him. He can never know about my disorder. Never.
i feel like im going to pass out. just purged my starbucks frap. its getting worse and worse. at first it was only when i overate, then it was just for lunch and it is very quickly becoming everything. every single thing. this is not good. the worst part is not the fear of being found out, although there is a lot of that, but the worst is that i don’t want to stop. i LIKE how it makes me feel. i’m disgusting. no one in my life can ever find out, they would all abandon me i just know it. :(
shit, i’ve got the shakes so bad…
NO MORE ALCOHOL FOR ME!!!! too much calories/carbs!!
Diet pills should be here before the weekend, so i can see how my body reacts to them before i be taking them at work.
Plan for today is to purge lunch and then have a piece of baked chicken for dinner. and to have dinner early. I think i need to get a food scale…
I don’t think we have anything going on this weekend so i can stay on track and try out my new pills. hopefully i can break through this number i am stuck at :(
until then, i need to do some work…blah
